The Secret National Epidemic

By Doug Collins, The Free Press

If you�ve ever spent much time traveling or living outside the United States, you�ll probably notice some major differences in lifestyles. One is that people in other countries are typically much more social than those in the US. Villagers in less developed countries as well as urbanites in high-tech Europe and Asia seem to value regular human contact much more than we do. In most countries, people spend free time with friends most days of the week. Our typical social calendar is relatively sparse, and our free time is largely filled by rented videos, a second job, and individual hobbies. Occasionally we go out with friends or have friends over.

For we Americans, this comparative lack of human contact has become normal. We accept it as the way things are. But looking deeply inside of ourselves, many of us might find that we are�ahem�a bit lonely. I know it can be hard to admit this. It�s easy to deny the problem, because seeing it requires taking a critical look both at ourselves and at society. On the one hand, we may not want to admit that we ourselves are sometimes to blame; on the other hand, we may feel powerless to confront larger social problems than can cause loneliness.

Sometimes loneliness is self-imposed. In our consumer culture, we go to retail stores where �the customer is king.� That makes shopping pleasant, but then we go home with the same attitude�that we are the king�and things fall apart. After all, if your spouse also thinks he or she is the king, chances are you�re not going to be living with each other very long! It�s better to get beyond an insistence that others should do things �my way.� Maybe millionaires like Frank Sinatra can get away with this, but normal people can�t�and shouldn�t.

Another self-imposed problem is that we may be hesitant to mention our weaknesses. We are a �pick-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps� nation, and often we try to be impossibly independent. But it�s good to mention your worries, doubts, fears, and loneliness. It�s also good to ask for help, and to rely on others when you need to. It�s just natural! Of course it�s not good to dump all your problems on someone, but you can certainly mention them in conversation at the right times.

As progressives, we may also suffer an additional self-imposed loneliness. We may go to a rally or meeting, but still feel lonely. Sharing a common cause with other likeminded people is fine, but it won�t cure loneliness. For that, we need to relate to people face-to-face, not shoulder-to-shoulder. We have to learn to accept and enjoy individual differences, and to tolerate�even be curious about�other beliefs. Otherwise we will be unable to live with others. There is a danger in any sort of conformity�political or unconscious�that diversity and individuality can be trampled upon.

Of course many causes of loneliness are farther beyond our control. We work different shifts and on different days from our partner or friend, so it�s hard to spend much time together. We move farther out in suburbia to more affordable housing, but we miss being closer to our old friends. We are uprooted and have to move to a totally new area because of a job transfer or job dislocation. We meet some nice people in a class we take, but it lasts only one term, and we don�t see the same people again.

These sorts of loneliness are caused by large social problems: suburban sprawl and high urban housing costs, lack of job security, lack of a social safety net, and a �cafeteria curriculum� in the colleges that emphasizes individual electives rather than an ongoing collective experience with classmates.

In short, there are a lot of big factors working against a small lonely person. Here�s where the importance of shoulder-to-shoulder activity comes in. To solve the large social problems, we need to start building social awareness of the problems and applying pressure to solve.them. This can be done by conversation, meetings, rallies, letter writing, political lobbying, petitions, you name it. (It can also be done by publishing a volunteer progressive newsmagazine!).

Fixing such larger social problems will not only relieve loneliness for millions in the future, but will also increase mental and environmental health. After all, too many Americans�rich and poor alike�now simply recede into their own secluded homes. Their homes become their castles, and they become the kings of millions of miniature fiefdoms sprawled all over the country, isolated from other ideas, and too often with their own minature armies of attack dogs and handguns in case someone ever dares to knock on their front door.

One of the most truly progressive things you can do, whether you are a Democrat, Republican, Capitalist, Communist, Atheist, or Baptist is to venture outside your castle and relinquish your title as king. Become more social and inclusive. Get out, meet, and enjoy people who don�t necessarily think the same way you do. Could be relatives. Could be neighbors. Could be coworkers or even someone you met at the mall. And if you don�t have someone to get out with this evening, then get out of the house yourself and start doing something you enjoy, such as a movie, some live music, or a walk in the park. Taking a walk might be the beginning of a better way of life for yourself and millions of others.